almost 4

Tonight is the last night we will have a 3 year old. I try to spend as much time as I can with the girls before they grow up and don’t want to hang out with me anymore but time still keeps slipping away too quickly.

I remember this day 4 years ago wondering how I was going to make it 2 more weeks, thinking crazy thoughts like maybe if I pricked my ballooned, taunt skin maybe I could release some of the edema and ease some of the constant pain I was in. I knew something was wrong but the urine test wouldn’t come back until the next morning showing that my kidneys had already stopped working. I kept telling myself as long as our baby girl was healthy nothing else mattered. If I died, I’d get to go be with Jesus and God would take care of my family.

As you know, God intervened and I was induced the next day. I had another perfect little gift from God entrusted to me. (I am still amazed they just let you leave the hospital with a baby and just expect you will be able to figure out how to raise it – I still feel like I’m making this up as I go.)

I was scared not only for my health but, wondering if it was possible to love more than one child as much as I loved your older sister, but love is amazing and it felt like my heart grew.  I love you more than you will ever know.

Sweet dreams my precious little girls. Mommy loves you.

we made it!

Apparently life has gotten extremely busy with 2 girls but I am pleased to report that we made it –  my littlest little has made it to 2 years of nursing!  Number 2 has made it to the WHO recommended 2 years of breastfeeding/nursing.

I have to say, it was a lot harder this time around with two nursing for most of the 2 years.  I finally got tired of tandem nursing and cut of number 1 at 3 years 9 months and 19 days.  She was not happy about it at all.  We made it work with extra book reading and other special time together before bed.

Mad respect for women who tandem nurse twins or multiple children for the entire 2 years or more.

Honestly, I guess I really got tired of feeling like number 1 was just using me as a pacifier instead of drinking milk.  I tried but after multiple days of no let down, knowing that she knows how to get milk out after close to 4 years of nursing I was over it.

For a while I was afraid we wouldn’t make it with #2 because it seemed like she was lazy since she never had to ‘work’ to get milk out since her older sister was doing all the work and she just got the extra letdown on the other side.  Whenever she had to nurse on her own she would fuss even after she turned 1 when she couldn’t get any milk out right away and had to put in her own effort to get it out – no big sister around to help her.

I’m sure she felt like it was a big inconvenience not having her milk just start automatically but with perseverance she made it and here we are past the 2 year mark!

Who knows how long she’ll want to keep going and I’m really tired of pumping but I’m going to try to keep it up as long as I can.

Cheers to all moms who try!

 

 

empathy

I thought I was empathetic before.  But, just like love prior to kids, I didn’t really know what it meant.

This weekend we went to the mountains and stayed in a cabin.  The main level of the cabin has stairs that go up to a loft and stairs that go down to the master bedroom that has a deck on it.  So, there are 2 sets of stairs that small babies like my 10 month old can climb or fall down.

I put 2 bags and a box of diapers to block the stairs and was watching her for the first hour we were there.  Then I realized that all the groceries had just been brought in and placed on the counter so I started taking them out and putting them into the refrigerator so they wouldn’t go bad.

Of course, this is the opportunity that my 10 month old seizes to try to climb over or push the diaper box that was blocking the stairs.  It all happened so quickly.

Six adults on the same level as this quick little baby and nobody could stop her from sliding down the stairs.

When I realized she had fallen she was already crying out for me.

My heart sank when I saw her little nose bright and red from rug burn and a bruise beginning to form on her forehead.

This must be how God feels when we do things out of His will or things He knows will hurt us.  I felt TERRIBLE.  I can’t even describe it.  Inside it was awful and the feelings of guilt and remorse and sadness were all mingled together.

I felt like I should have been there to watch her every move.  Like I should have been able to stop her or save her.  But then, she does have her own free will and loves exploring.  She does not like to be penned up in baby jail or play in one spot for long.

Just like us, she wants to do her own thing and learn things on her own.  God already knows what is going to happen and has laid everything out for us and given us directions or guidelines if you will in His Book, the Good Book and we still don’t always listen.  We still make mistakes or take wrong turns, trying to do things on our own.

I think I cried more than she did.  I am SO thankful she was okay, she was fine once she calmed down a bit and was able to crawl and play and do everything without any fuss shortly after so I knew she had not broken anything.

This is the life of a mother, of a parent.  We do our best to teach and instruct and guide our children to do what is right or good and we have to leave the rest up to them and pray that God will help them and that they will trust God to guide them too.

I only have two kids and already it hurts to watch them fall or get hurt.  I can’t even imagine having as many children as God does and having to watch them all as they fail or fall and turn away from Him.

Praise God everyone was okay.  We kept a bigger, heavier bag blocking the stairs for the remainder of the weekend and no one else fell down the stairs.

I know it’s only just begun, but I am thankful that I have God to help my husband and myself as we do our best to raise our babies!

the car

I am not a big fan of driving in the first place.  If I’m driving more than 30 or so minutes I could easily fall asleep at the wheel even with the radio on, windows down or AC turned up.  Even if I got a full night’s sleep the night before (i.e. B.K. – before kids).

Somehow I survived driving across the nation three times, once with a friend, once by myself and once with my future husband.  The longest I drove in a day on any of those trips was 14 hours… that’s a long time.  My car (Lazarus) didn’t have AC or a radio at the time.  I made do with the windows down and a free iPod plugged into a $5 speaker on the dashboard.

Those were simpler times.

Now when I go somewhere I have 2 babies in tow and it takes about 5-10 minutes to even get into the car and ready to go.  I have to make sure we have everything, get everyone buckled up securely and then get in and buckle up myself.  I factor this extra 10 minutes in when I’m planning on going somewhere, especially if we have an appointment or need to be there at a certain time.

If I don’t, it’s inevitable that that will be the day that diapers leak or blow out, something spills onto clothes, someone spits up, the babies freak out and start crying or that wonderful back arching where they make it nearly impossible to buckle them in or the world ends for some other unknown reason.

Sometimes when I go places like the grocery store or the library I watch other people without babies/young kids get in and out of their cars with ease.

I’ll be honest, I sometimes long for a day when I can actually go somewhere and get in and get out of the car without unbuckling 2-3 people (3 when you include myself), taking the time to strap someone on my back (baby wearing is one of the best things ever) or negotiating that you can only ‘bring 2 things’ when you go places (this is generally giraffe blankie and something else).

Then I remember that it’s not that long or that big of a deal.  I can handle it for the short period of time before they grow up and can buckle and unbuckle themselves.  Soon I’ll be longing for the days when they were small and cried because they would miss me when they were gone for 15-20 minutes or told me they loved me SO MUCH.

One day at a time, we will make it through some of the hard times.  With the hard times come amazing times of joy, laughter and fun with my little people.  As they grow and learn I have the distinct privilege of being their mother.

We’ll make it to church, story time and our appointments on time with our extra time cushion.  (I have decided it’s generally about 5 extra minutes that I need to account for per child since things could be all fine and dandy one day but both could have melt downs at the same time another.)

If you have young kids, just allot extra time to get places on time.  If you don’t, continue on your merry way.

 

babies are like a box of chocolates

Babies are like a box of chocolates.  You never know what you’re going to get.

People said that our second baby might cry a ton since our first didn’t cry much compared to an ‘average’ baby.  (She cried, trust me and needed a lot of mommy time, but I figure all babies do.)

I never put much stock into what people said and this was no different.  I didn’t want to put a baby (or anyone for that matter) into an immediate negative light or have negative thoughts about them before even getting to interact with them.

When my now 2 year old was a baby, she was content.  She would make you work for a smile, but when you made her laugh, she would giggle and giggle.  I love baby laughs!  I am thankful for digital movies so I can re-watch baby laughter movies whenever I need a ‘pick me up’ while working or away from my babies.  She loved being close to mommy, which I was completely fine with.  She rode around in the pouch all the time without any complaint even when she could walk and run.

Then baby sister came along.  She is happy.  Always smiling, though it is more difficult to make her laugh.  You really have to work for it.  Even when she falls down or bonks her melon on something she rarely cries.  It’s pretty amazing!  She would much rather explore and crawl around, she was crawling around by 6 months and is close to walking.  She probably walks around when no one is looking.  She is happy in the pouch when she is tired or we are going somewhere/where the scenery changes or people are walking by, but otherwise would prefer to be out and about on her own.

I love seeing their little personalities form and express themselves.  Granted, sometimes the tantrums or what I think is ‘crying for no reason’ are rough, it’s still a wonderful time.

I sometimes wonder if we had a 3rd baby, what they would be like.  So many people keep saying they’d be little terrors since our first two are so happy/content.  That does make me a little wary, but I know that no matter what people say, they are just making conjectures and have no clue what someone is actually going to be like.

(The main reason I’m hesitant about a 3rd baby is the annoying neuropathy that still constantly plagues me.  Maybe it won’t ever go away, but I am glad I can still do everything I need to do and take care of my babies.  I probably won’t be a stellar rock climber or be able to climb like I used to.  Nor will I be able to be a bodybuilder, but I never wanted to anyway.)

Either way, whether we have another or not, I know that God has already got it all planned out.  I am thankful for my babies He has given me already and know that His plans are the best plans!  Thank you Jesus!

mini me

It’s amazing how quickly kids pick up on things.  I mean, yes, I try to hang out with my babies as much as possible, but wow.

Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t really think about every little thing I say or do.  I just do things.  Fortunately, I don’t say bad words or things I don’t want the babies saying.

When you see a smaller version of yourself, it’s eye opening.  They just soak up everything that you do and say.

For example, tonight my 2 year old was getting her jammies for bed and took off her shoes.  She starts to leave the room holding her shoes and my husband says ‘where are you going?’  She says ‘I have to put my shoes up!’ and runs out of the room (normally we put jammies on in her room but tonight we happened to be in my husband’s office).

A few moments later she comes back and takes off the rest of her clothes and puts them into the ‘orange bucket’ (where we put our laundry) and then is ready for jammies.

It was amazing.  Usually we put everything up after we change but we make sure to put our shoes up and our clothes in the orange bucket after we change.  Breaking everything down into steps is something I do when I do laundry or dishes or something that needs a break in between each step, haha.

She just took some of the other things that I do and applied it to putting jammies on.

I catch her saying things I’ve told her to her baby sister too.  And sometimes back to me or other adults.  Like I said, fortunately I don’t say things I don’t want her to say, but it’s still funny to me when she starts quoting even with the same inflection and tone in her voice.

I have one mini me running around, perhaps in a few months/years when my 9 month old is big enough to talk, there will be two mini me’s out there.

You have been warned!

super bowls

Growing up I lived in California so I could go to bed knowing the scores to all the games and know if my team won or didn’t win before bed.  Granted, there were some of those epic long games that went into extra innings or overtime but for the most part I could still sleep at a decent hour.

Now I live on eastern time and that has completely changed.  I never know scores anymore and have to check the next day when I wake up.  Don’t get me wrong, I am a pretty hardcore fan of my West Coast sports (primarily the Oakland Athletics and Golden State Warriors), but after 2 years of staying up late to watch games when I first moved east (I thought I was going to move home after the first 8 months and then I stayed a year… and another year… and another) it just got too difficult.

I still care, but not enough to let it affect my whole day and week because I’m too tired to function.  I guess I could function on less sleep before when I was doing my graduate degree full time, working full time and still traveling at least 1-2x a month out of state to visit friends, family and run.

I think it’s also a different type of sleep when you’re waking up 2-6x a night because your 9 month old or your two year old wake up at different times for different reasons.

Getting back to the super bowl.  We have had superbowl parties at our house before.  That is nice for having your kids at home and being able to just walk upstairs and put them to bed.  It is nice to go somewhere else too though so you don’t have to worry about moving toys or the big box that the babies play in during the day too.

But boy does the super bowl start late out here!  It was already almost bedtime for the babies by the time they even kicked off.  What in the world.  I understand that people on the west coast don’t want to start it in the morning but dang, maybe starting it around 4-5PM EST would be better for all the millions of families with babies.  That way it would start around 1-2PM PST and we on eastern time could still get our babies to bed and enjoy time with our friends and families too.

Instead we were party poopers and left at half time (not sorry I haven’t seen halftime in years and years, in fact I can’t remember the last time I saw a halftime show).  The babies are both in bed and I am tired anyway.  I think my husband is downstairs watching the game so I guess I may go down to see the outcome though it’s not as exciting if your team isn’t in it.

Party on friends.

 

teething

I am glad I don’t remember teething.

Poor babies.  It is a hard life for a baby.  Not only is it difficult for them to communicate to others what they need or how they feel, they have to deal with teething.

My almost 9 month old baby is teething and it’s fun for the whole family.  Lots of eye boogers, copious snot and drool combined with less sleep and more fussiness.

I feel bad for the child with massive quantities of snot dripping from her nose but despite wiping it over and over and over, it doesn’t seem to go away.  The only time it wasn’t dripping like a faucet all day today was when we were at the library at baby bookworms.  Maybe we should just move into the library during teething periods.

Those top two chompers will soon be in and more food will be pulverized with those front 4 teeth.

I’ve heard that adults wouldn’t be able to handle teething without painkillers.  I think it depends on the person, but I would think it would be a safe bet to say that many adults would take painkillers to dull the pain of those teeth cutting through your tender gums.

I guess it’s all a part of growing up.  After all, it would look really strange if babies were born with a full set of chompers… and hurt even more than the snapping turtle for moms trying to breastfeed… so I guess it’s best that they get them later.

It’s a rough time for both baby and mom, at least for us since she wakes up more often (how can you wake up more often when you already wake up 4-6 times a night you ask?  Yes, apparently it’s possible.)

One day at a time, these days sometimes are long, but the years go by fast so cherish even those days when you’re so tired you fall asleep on the floor and wake up to a baby poking you in the face and laughing.

books!

Ah, books.  I love reading.

When I was a kid I read tons and tons of books.  I was known for being able to read quickly (and comprehend everything I was reading).  To me, it’s almost like a mini-movie in my head which I love because it’s not any scarier to me than I can imagine.  (Unlike movies that can scare me and give me horrible nightmares.)

I was even voted ‘biggest bookworm’ in the 8th grade polls.  Polls were silly (they even voted on something like tallest and shortest which is stupid because that’s factual, not something you can vote on) but I didn’t care.  I loved reading.

When I moved across the nation I ended up being super busy with my dietetic internship and later work and traveling.  I didn’t read as much.  😦

The only book I can remember reading during that time is the Bible.  Which of course, is not a bad thing.  Contrast this with college when I bought the Kite Runner when it came out and started reading it on the bus on the way to class… and finished chapter 5 on the bus on the way home… and I had to finish it and find out what happened so I finished it that night before bed.

When I started reading again it was the Hunger Games last year, yes I realize the book came out in 2008 or something and there already were movies (which I’ve also seen).  I borrowed them via Kindle from my friend and read them so many times I decided to just buy the books myself.

There was the dilemma.  I love books, turning the pages and having the book in my hand.  However, as a mother of young children (babies by all accounts), I have found that the Kindle is super useful when you’re reading and putting a baby to bed.  You don’t need to have a little lantern or other light to shine on the pages of the book.  You can just read it with the blanket blocking the light so the baby doesn’t see it also.

I do like that you can save lots of space and carry hundreds books (if you had the space on your phone) on one device when traveling or even just hanging out at home.  You don’t have to have lots of shelves where books collect dust if you’re often busy and don’t have time to read.

But books!  I love the library, the smell of books and the pages.  It’s just so much more satisfying to turn page after page as I pore over a book and get into the story.

I’m curious as to what others choose when buying stories/novels/etc. these days… and why?  What do others see as the pros and cons for each?

to wake or not to wake?

So many people ask themselves the same question I ask myself tonight.  “Should I wake up the baby!?”  Most of the time people agree that ‘no’ is the correct answer.

So here I sit.  Pumping at 1:15AM, hoping that this is the right decision and the baby doesn’t wake up while I’m pumping or 5 minutes after.

She’s 8 months old and the longest stretch she’s ever slept is 6 hours – once.

My older baby didn’t start sleeping through the night until 18 months.  Prior to that she slept through the night 7 times sporadically so I’m not going to hold my breath on this in hopes that it may be the start of something beautiful.

I did contemplate waking her because her diaper is getting full and I don’t want it to leak onto the bedding.  However, I also want to see how long she might actually sleep on her own.

So here we are.  Hoping that I didn’t make a terrible decision and end up with a hungry baby and empty food bags for her.